You are not the problem.
Don’t listen to the people trying to tell you how to act and react to things they do and say. Don’t give them the time of day trying to explain yourself when they tell you to ‘not take things so personally’.
Screw the ones who manipulate you into thinking you’re irrational or pathetic and wrong. The ones who make you anxious in your comfort zones and silence you when you’re feeling your most chatty. And the people who decide they get to choose how you should interpret their words and actions.
You take their comments however you please and you fucking run with them.
There is absolutely nobody in the world who is worthy enough to tell you how to be.
Our thoughts and feelings are part of our being; our personalities and our characters. They are the only thing as a species that we are entirely entitled to, yet have zero control over.
We do not control what makes us upset and what makes us happy. We cannot determine how someone’s actions and words are going to make us feel before they have been laid out in front of us. We cannot accurately predict how we, nor anyone else will react to the things we do and say.
We are not psychic and we’re not super-beings with no emotions and only well thought out strategies of reaction.
I don’t want to bring out the cliches, but it’s important to stay true to yourself and make sure you’re doing what’s best for you. Be honest about how you’re feeling – with yourself and those around you. In a world where pretty much everyone lies – even to those they care most for – be sure to never lie to yourself and your feelings. Talk out those discrepancies or discuss the things that are upsetting and annoying. And if at first you don’t succeed, genuinely, just fuck ’em.
If someone cannot give you the respect to try and understand your points of view, do not give them the respect that they seem to think they deserve.
I understand this is a much more strong-worded post than my typical advice pieces, but I feel so strongly about this topic that I need my point across as brutally and as powerful as I can.
If you ever feel guilty and like you have to apologise for how you feel, you are being manipulated. It’s difficult to notice at times, because it’s easier to simply take the blame your peers put on you and accept that maybe you were in the wrong. Maybe you reacted badly. Perhaps you should’ve been less sensitive. Because afterall, you weren’t supposed to react like that.
I’m telling you now, shade your way out of that situation and never return. Don’t push it under the carpet because you’ve been told to lighten up, leave it or accept it when they tell you ‘you’re just having a bad day’.
Your day is fine. And even if it’s not, you are still completely capable of forming true feelings, opinions and reactions. If you’ve taken something personally, the chances are, it was personal. And it’s okay to feel hurt and make it known.
So hate on the emotion-slaters, and surround yourself with people who take into consideration how you feel and why. Leave the insensitive arseholes out of your life and continue on your emotional rollercoaster. You can never feel too much. So feel away like a mum in a clothes shop.
You’ll also find that those who are manipulated or outspoken are the ones who try to make sure everyone else is happy. The ones who make sure they word their sentences perfectly in order to not offend anyone or cause a stir. The ones who are always there for anyone in their time of need, no matter who that person is, or how shitty they’ve made you feel.
And I know it’s simple saying ‘get rid’ of the toxic people, whilst actually doing it seems impossible. Because it gets to a point where you’re terrified of every possible outcome, solution and consequence. You’re scared of people thinking you’re pathetic, or weak or the crazy one; and you’re scared of having to explain why you’re getting rid. But you’re also scared of continuing on the same path and just waiting for someone to tell you off again. Getting to the point where you’re petrified of every possible outcome and consequence of the situation is rock bottom, and it’s hard to break free. But nobody is worth jeoprodising your own happiness for. Don’t keep people around that make you sad, because well, you’re not allowed to feel sad apparently.
So save up your snotty tissues from your last breakdown and leave them in their bag.
And record your laugh and set it as their ringtone.
When they’re stressed, throw lightbulbs at them and tell them to lighten up.
I’m kidding. They’re not worth the preparation.
Get them gone, and get yourself gone.